We are indefinite beings, and we are proud of it

Doing what we are able is a good thing, but taking pride in doing it is another gameplan.

I miss learning about integral, derivative, function, and complex numbers.

I sat down with my sister for brunch the other day and we began talking about tutoring.

Being an ex-tutor herself, she believes that tutoring needs skills, for not everyone can tutor. But then we started talking about what high school VCE students learn. Maths. Oh, how I miss learning it.

Mathematics is the subject that always drives me crazy if I am not able to get the answer. During those good old times in high school, the only subject that I would study until 2am at night and wake up at 5am the next morning is Maths. Solving a math problem is challenging, and the feeling of getting the answer right is more than satisfying.

Right now, I can confidently say that I have forgotten almost everything that my Math teacher has taught me. I went back to visit my high school and saw a 9th grader’s exam paper, and I stood dumbfounded.

I have no idea of how to solve the equation y = 3x(square) + 7x +3. I have forgotten about the ABC formula, and what it’s for. Why do we need to calculate the turning point and make a graph out of it anyway? Now I am thinking of integral, and how I used to be able to solve the problems naturally. And I wonder why i(square) = -1.

I know I used to study these stuffs, and I know I was able to solve these problems long ago. But I stopped knowing how to answer these questions.

Maths is definite. It has a question, a logical method to answer it, and it has an answer. A right or wrong answer. You don’t need to panic because, you will always get it right, or get it wrong. It’s either black, or white.

My life now has been filled with grey. Every assignment that I have submitted is in the grey zone. Essays. Articles. News stories. Profiles. Opinion pieces. And I have no idea of how to master the art of indefinite writing, because the truth is, this field is subjective.

I miss knowing that when I have put much effort in learning something and memorising the formulas bluntly, I will at least do some justice towards my assignment. I miss knowing that if I keep on practicing the questions, I will be able to know the answers.

But I’m no longer a definite subject student. I’m an arts student, and we take pride in being indefinite. We take pride in putting on our critical thinking and opinion towards our art pieces, and we take pride in delving even more in our creativity.

We take pride in being the unpredictable. We love our lifestyle – browsing through real life articles and knowing more about real life issues instead of memorising geekish formula that we have no idea how to apply the knowledge in the real world.

We are the creators, and we take immense pride in our creations.

We never apologise for our writing, we just get better at it. We take things personally, because we are not following some step-by-step guidebook. We experiment.

After two years and a bit of being an arts student, I wonder who would I be if I chose to do biomedical in university. Will I be happy? Will my grades soar? Will I be doing something more beneficial with my life?

But then, even until now, I keep on writing.

I realised, I have chosen to be here.

And I’m proud of it.

This is the lifestyle of an Arts student: coffee, books, and more writing...

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