a decent life

I know that not everyone can have a great life, but I never know that not everyone can have a decent life.

Not everyone can live in a house, have a faithful husband, give birth to a healthy baby, be abuse-free or accident-free.

Not everyone has the luxury to even be loved rightly by her partner, and not everyone has a committed husband.

Not everyone has the greatest supportive parents, and certainly, not everyone can afford to live like human beings.

Not everyone.

Not everyone can live a normal life.

What’s normal, you may ask? You know, the usual life advertisement that we always see – we grow up, study hard, pursue our passion, get a decent job, fall in love, marry the one we love, go to Europe for honeymoon, buy a house, have kids, grow old together, and greet death like an old friend.

It’s a pretty simple concept, only it’s not that simple to achieve it – life throws a different deck of cards to each player.

How you play the cards, is entirely your choice.

Last week I have been bombarded with such a dark side of life – from the movies that I watched, articles that I read, books that I read, to people that talked to. Many married couples are unfaithful and having affairs – I never know that. Many people live in a very sad state after being abused by their stepfathers – I also never know that.

But what’s striking is this: many people complain that life is unfair, but they made the wrong choices in the first place.

It may be not entirely your fault why you are pregnant. But complaining for one abortion to another, while having a very active sex life is not ethical – well, for your babies it’s not.

It may not be your fault that your partner’s cheating, but you have chosen to be with him in the first place. You know the risk – so instead of cursing but staying with him, now you either leave him or forgive him. Sometimes, saying “I chose to stay with him for all the things he’s done right; not the one thing he’s done wrong”, or “I’m done with you,” is needed.

And sometimes, you know the right thing to do, but you just don’t want to do it.

I sat down to watch The Duchess (2008) last week. Despite being a quite highly rated movie, every part of my bones hate it. I am so grateful that I didn’t watch this movie at the big screen. I think I would curse it. Hard.

It is not about the cinematography, nor the actresses, or the actors. In fact all of these are so beautifully done that I get the message so bloody well. The story literally makes me sick.

And the fact that it is a true story makes it even worse.

How could a woman live with a man who are having affairs under her nose, and just let her husband to actually do it?

How could a woman let her best friend to stay in the same house as her, knowing that her husband is sleeping with her?

How could a woman, who loves somebody else, whose husband shows less affection to her compared to his dogs, literally chooses this to happen?

Such a life for dignity, and pride.

Such a life to please the society.

Such a life.

And fast-forward to the real confessions of sins of people.

A single mother complaining for being too tired to take care of her children, yet keeps on sleeping with random men.

A wife, complaining for her husband to be kissing another girl, yet having an affair herself.

A woman, complaining that her boyfriend sucks, and that she still has some fantasy with her ex(?!)

A mother, who cheated on her husband and married a new man, complaining that her abandoned children hate her.

Complaining about the cards they are dealt – that I understand. Complaining about what happened because of the wrongs they do with those cards – that I do not.

A decent life, doesn’t necessarily mean having flawless criminal records, being a billionaire, or being awarded with Nobel Prizes. Sometimes, a decent life means being brave enough to acknowledge your wrongs, to do what’s right, and to make amendments.

Sometimes, a decent life means making the right choices again.


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