The world is not as naive as I thought: questioning the ‘V-plates’

The Hollywood has made it clear and the media is also very open about it. Yet it’s a new fact for me, really. Are you sure? Yea, sadly.

The ugly truth came to me when I was browsing articles on MamaMia, and one  title grabbed my attention: Help – she never thought she’d have sex before marriage. As an Asian, and yes, a Christian, I never thought I will use the ‘s’ word, say it in conversations, (or even type the word) to public. Moreover the ‘v’ word (read: virginity).

So in that situation, a girl wrote:

“I’m in my early twenties and I’m a virgin. I’m a Christian, so being a virgin kind of comes with the territory, with the whole ‘no sex before marriage’ thing. That’s all been well and good, until I met a guy that I really like. He’s not a Christian and has had his fair share of sex. This has kind of got me thinking differently now. I really want to sleep with him.

My question is, I was wondering if there was anyone that’s been in the same position? I get that this is more of a religious kind of issue so it may rule out some people’s experiences, but I’m really interested about all of your opinions, regardless of background. Also, are there any Christians, Muslims, Jews etc. out there who have done it outside of marriage and just not regretted it at all??

I’m really keen to hear your thoughts. “

And why does the word ‘virgin’ keep ringing on my ear as the ‘vigin Mary’? (Yes, I watch too much Hollywood movies). Yet it is striking how many people (I think almost all) have sex before marriage, and most of them are living together before they tie the knot. I know this happens in movies, yet I do not really expect this situation can be translated straight to the reality.

And in the midst of reading other too-open-for-my-background-culture articles, I remember one that is featured in my tutorial earlier this semester: Guard your virginity. Once lost, it’s gone forever.

“While each person should decide for themselves, my recommendation would be to wait. Wait for the right moment, the right person and the right situation. Becoming sexually active is not to be entered into lightly. I have seen too many girls damaged by a decision that was not carefully considered. The results are usually confusion, loss of self-esteem and a cynical view of relationships. My problem with casual, random sex is that while it might be physically pleasurable, it cannot possibly be meaningful or allow for personal growth.”

Well, you rock girl.

So imagine this (adapted from Joshua Harris’ ‘I kissed dating goodbye’ book).

You are dressed in stunning white gown (or black tuxedo, depending on your gender), and you walk down that aisle, looking in the eyes of your partner that soon will be ‘the woman or man who I will spend the rest of my life with’. You are swept away by the moment, yet suddenly you notice an ex-boyfriend, and another ex-boyfriend, and yet another, standing there on the corner of your eyes.

As soon as the priest asking you both to take the marriage vow, you remember all the things you have said to your ex-partners. From “I love you’s”, to “I will never leave you” to “We’ll have the entire future to ourselves” and God knows what else. In a blink you remember what have you been doing with your ex-partners, and a big sense of guilt come.

I will be giving the leftovers to the man who will soon be my husband.

Having said that, it is true that a person should decide for themselves. But weighting the pros and the cons, guarding own virginity is not old-fashioned,  uncool, or out of trend. It is simply an act of respecting yourself, your partner, and God.


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