The one endless issue to talk amongst your friends is this: boy-girl relationship.
So here’s the list of consultations that I’ve done so far:
1. girls asking me advice on how to play ‘hard to get’ to their crushes
2. boys asking me advice on how to get their crushes quick and jump the queue
3. girls asking me advice on how should one not fall for a jerk
4. boys asking me advice on how to treat a girl nicely
5. girls telling me stories about their loves
6. boys telling me stories about their loves
7. it goes on…
The point is, it is just the common sense that girls’ brains are different than boys’. When talking about food, girls ask, “Where to go for dinner?” and we think of the venue, the atmosphere, the kind of food, and the distance to go there. When talking about food, boys ask, “What to eat for dinner?” and they think of pad-thai, roasted pork belly, special fried rice with prawns, or chicken curry laksa.
When facing problems, boys go to their ‘caves’. They want to be left alone, to deal with the problem themselves, and when they are ready, they will go out of their caves. Girls, want to talk it out. We send messages telling him that, “If you want to talk, I’m here” or “It’s OK, it’s not your fault. How do you feel right now?” or “Why don’t you talk to me? Don’t you trust me? I just want to help”. Be prepared, that’s now how the Mars people handle problems.
And yeah, girls like to give hints. boys – they tend to speak out their minds.
Quoted from Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus, with personal editing
by Vishwalok Nath
Adapted from John Gray’s bestselling book of the same title.
1. Men like to be logical. Women like to share and talk even if there is no point in their sharing and talking. Men need to have an objective. They need to see the point in doing something. They can’t share for the sake of sharing.
2. Men tend to do one thing at a time. Women do many things at a time. Men have a tunnel vision. 95% of their attention is focused on just one thing and 5% on checking of the environment. Women are just the opposite. They are continuously taking in everything that there is in the environment whether it is useful or not.
3. Men have their own caves on which the sign states “Please do not disturb.” Men like to retreat into their own world where they feel they are in control. Women also have caves but the sign on their caves is “I need to talk”. When a man asks a woman what’s wrong and she says “Nothing” it really means “Nothing, unless you care to listen and give me an opportunity to talk.”
4. 90% of women go into therapy because they want to be listened to. They want to be asked questions. They want to feel special. Men hate to be questioned. If men want to talk they’ll talk. If they don’t want to talk they won’t. When a man is locked in his cave, the woman thinks that something is wrong with him and goes in and asks questions. This is a wrong move for the woman to make. Men hate to be interrogated.
5. When a woman touches a man she may want to be cuddled. But for a man anywhere he is touched leads to Rome and he thinks therefore that it has to lead to sex.
6. Men want to forget the problems of the day. Women want to remember. A man will say “Forget it, it’s no big deal.” For a woman she will not rest till the problem is talked about. Her response to the man, who wants to just forget about it and not make a big deal out of it, will be “How can you be so insensitive.”
7. If the man is at a loss for saying anything when the woman is feeling bad then instead of offering advice he could build her up a bit by saying “I know how much you work during the day to make the kids and myself feel happy. It must be very exhausting.” Her unconscious response would be “He understands.” The woman craves for understanding.
8. Women make noises to get attention. Men make noises to signal “Please leave me alone.”
9. To cope with stress, sometimes, women while speaking tend to speak in long sentences and then pause. Men think that the pause is a signal for saying something. Wrong. For the woman the pause is just a semi-colon. Men need to restrain themselves in giving advice.
10. When a woman is upset and a man tries to give a solution 99% of the time her response will be “Yes….but”. When she is relaxed then give the solution. After she has been given the opportunity to talk about it.
11. Men are efficiency oriented. Must do it the easiest and fastest way. Women on the other hand feel that taking the shortest path between 2 points is boring. Women like variation. This is especially true in the bedroom. Men go by the same formula every time while women want variation. Men like uniforms and the same uniform. Men look good in a tuxedo or a suit and that’s it. Every time the same tuxedo or suit. Women like to change their dress; sometimes thrice or even more times in a day.
12. The more narrow the focus of a man the more stressed he is bound to get. He can’t notice anything else other than what he is focusing on at that moment. Women deal with lots of problems at the same time and the way they cope is to talk about them.
13. Men use their brain sequentially viz. one part at a time. Where women are concerned it is usually the whole brain at once.
14. Women lower stress through talking and sharing. The collectiveness and togetherness which they share is part of their feminity. Men lower their stress by being alone. Women’s attitude is that if we can’t do anything about it then let’s talk about it and suffer together. Men’s focus is on solving the problem. And if they can’t solve the problem then they make the problem disappear by forgetting about it.
15. Men always want to be right.
16. Women, unknowingly sabotage their success. They put themselves down because they want support. Women bond by putting themselves down. For example if one is late for a particular function in the office, the woman will say what an imbecile she is by not catching the right train or missing the connection because of some stupid mistake she made and so on. And other women who are also late will do the same.
17. Man is efficiency oriented. He needs to feel needed. He needs problems to be solved. If there are no job opportunities or there is no effort called for to do something then the man feels depressed.
18. When women feel nurtured they feel happy. They are happy with the small things of life. Man likes to measure himself against the goal he has set for himself. Men behave like squirrels. They focus on one thing, dash towards it and once they reach there then they turn their focus on another thing and make a dash there and so on and so forth.
19. Men see the news on TV especially after coming home, because the problems they hear about and see make their problems seem that much smaller.
20. Women give more. Men want to get more.
21. Women want flowers to be purchased by men. And they should be cut- flowers. So that the flowers die and therefore the men have to go out and purchase them again and again. They do not want the romance to go out of the relationship. Men on the other hand feel that if they have done it once there is no necessity to do it again and again. But women want things and messages to be repeated again and again.
22. Women sometimes give hints viz. On Sunday they will mention that they are getting their hair cut on Thursday. This is to be taken as a warning signal. The hair cut must be noticed. If a woman has to ask how she looks after she has had a hair cut then there is no value placed on the man’s comment. It has to be noticed without being asked. Women put in much more effort in looking good. Men put in more effort in their work.
23. Man wants to be appreciated. Woman wants to be listened to and noticed. Men stress more on what they do while women stress more on their being.
24. Men think that by being flexible they are Mr. Agreeable and that is appreciated by women. Really speaking women want men to take charge and suggest something which they agree on. Mr. Agreeable is boring. The ideal metaphor is to have a man with a plan and a woman with a smile.
25. Women are always keeping score in a relationship viz. When a woman does anything for a man she always gives herself a point. Men keep score in business. Men need to keep score in a relationship too. They need to do something for the woman so that they too score points from the woman’s point of view.
26. Men sprint faster. Women win the long distance.
The take-home message? Chemistry and compatibility may not be enough. You also need commitment, character, and lots of compromisation.