Strangers, again

What is a relationship? Having someone by your side to spend the weekends, going out to movies, going out for dinners, and doing romantic stuffs to each other?

No, relationship is much more than that.

Sometimes people take the word ‘relationship’ for granted, they only see the outer layer, but often neglecting the real stuffs inside. relationship is a package – of responsibility, respect, love, humility, compromisation, compatibility, character growing, time, love. Relationship is not about you – it’s about the other person.

What are the stages of ‘relationship’? This video elaborates it as:

Stage 1: meeting

Stage 2: the chase

Stage 3: honeymoon

Stage 4: comfortable

Stage 5: tolerance

Stage 6: Downhill

Stage 7: breaking up

arguing. who says relationship will always be flowery, and live happily ever after? when a guy and a girl have a relationship – there is a lot to be compromised. A guy thinks logically. A girl uses her feelings. A guy is more practical. Girls like drama. Guys like this. Girls like that. And personal differences. introvert. extrovert. different hobbies. different interests. different values. different family backgrounds. Different friends, different this and that. But… it’s not the problem that makes the fire. It’s the way you approach that problem.

In the end, it’s up to you – do you want to put much effort towards your relationship? is it worth it? Is your partner the right one?

I listened to Kong Hee’s sermon about “Choosing the Right Partner”. He says there are 4 factors in choosing ‘the one’:

1. Character
Don’t look at your partner’s personality, look at his/her character. Spiritual growth? self esteem? social interactions with friends? personal hygiene? monetary problems? Can he take care of himself? (if he can’t, how can he take care of you?) openness towards problems?

2. Chemistry
Okay, if one character in the movie Love (an Indonesian movie) says that “you don’t need chemistry to be in a relationship, love will come along anyway”, don’t ever believe in that. you still need that charm that attracts you towards your partner.

3. Compatibility
Are you compatible with each other? do you share the same hobbies and interests? how about your values and his values? spiritual convictions? I guess this is quite an important factor – if you have too different set of compatibility, the journey ahead will be very challenging. I mean, you can’t do something that you both like and enjoy and be happy about it.

4. Commitment
After doing all the steps, the last one is commitment. Why commit? commitment gives security and assurance of where this relationship is leading, instead of just playing with fire. commitment makes all the effort you put in a relationship to be ‘worth it’.

I understand that we should not be ‘picky’, but I guess, we can afford to be ‘choosy’. Choosing a partner is choosing someone that you will spend the rest of your life with. (read Jaeson Ma’s blog if you want to know what to choose from a guy: The 5 Pillars of Manhood: how men should love and respect women)

And you know what? Relationship is not a bed of roses. It needs a lot of compromising, a lot of learning, a lot of trying to tolerate each other – not to kill each other, but to love each other.

I like this quote from the video. I guess, it’s true in some sense… but yah, who wants to start a relationship when they know that it can’t work out?

“what do you think will happen if we don’t end up together? will we hate each other? do you think we’ll keep in touch?”

“I think… that, if life separates us, and we are in totally different places. I will always remember when our paths align for this period of time. and I’ll be thankful for that. and I hope that wherever you are, you’ll be thankful too. and I think that’s the best we could wish for.”

Ps. I hope we will never be strangers.

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