By My Side by David Choi

A wonderful song by David Choi, I LOOOVEEE the music and the lyrics ;)

By My Side

Im just listening to the clock go ticking
I am waiting as the time goes by
I think of you with every breath I take
I need to feel your heartbeat next to mine

Youre all I see
In everything

I just want to hold you
I just want to kiss you
I just want to love you all my life
I normally wouldnt say this
But I just cant contain it
I want you here forever, right here
By my side

All the fears you feel inside
And all the tears youve cried
Theyre ending right here
Ill heal your heart and soul
Ill keep you oh so close
Dont worry Ill never let you go

Youre all I need
Youre everything

I just want to hold you
I just want to kiss you
I just want to love you all my life
I normally wouldnt say this
But I just cant contain it
I want you here forever, right here
By my side

No one else would ever do
I got a stubborn heart for you
Call me crazy but its true
I love you
I didnt think that it would be
You who made it clear to me
Youre all I need

I just want to hold you
I just want to kiss you
I just want to love you all my life
I normally wouldnt say this
But I just cant contain it
I want you here forever, right here
By my side

Ps. it’s dedicated to you :)


Strangers, again

What is a relationship? Having someone by your side to spend the weekends, going out to movies, going out for dinners, and doing romantic stuffs to each other?

No, relationship is much more than that.

Sometimes people take the word ‘relationship’ for granted, they only see the outer layer, but often neglecting the real stuffs inside. relationship is a package – of responsibility, respect, love, humility, compromisation, compatibility, character growing, time, love. Relationship is not about you – it’s about the other person.

What are the stages of ‘relationship’? This video elaborates it as:

Stage 1: meeting

Stage 2: the chase

Stage 3: honeymoon

Stage 4: comfortable

Stage 5: tolerance

Stage 6: Downhill

Stage 7: breaking up

arguing. who says relationship will always be flowery, and live happily ever after? when a guy and a girl have a relationship – there is a lot to be compromised. A guy thinks logically. A girl uses her feelings. A guy is more practical. Girls like drama. Guys like this. Girls like that. And personal differences. introvert. extrovert. different hobbies. different interests. different values. different family backgrounds. Different friends, different this and that. But… it’s not the problem that makes the fire. It’s the way you approach that problem.

In the end, it’s up to you – do you want to put much effort towards your relationship? is it worth it? Is your partner the right one?

I listened to Kong Hee’s sermon about “Choosing the Right Partner”. He says there are 4 factors in choosing ‘the one’:

1. Character
Don’t look at your partner’s personality, look at his/her character. Spiritual growth? self esteem? social interactions with friends? personal hygiene? monetary problems? Can he take care of himself? (if he can’t, how can he take care of you?) openness towards problems?

2. Chemistry
Okay, if one character in the movie Love (an Indonesian movie) says that “you don’t need chemistry to be in a relationship, love will come along anyway”, don’t ever believe in that. you still need that charm that attracts you towards your partner.

3. Compatibility
Are you compatible with each other? do you share the same hobbies and interests? how about your values and his values? spiritual convictions? I guess this is quite an important factor – if you have too different set of compatibility, the journey ahead will be very challenging. I mean, you can’t do something that you both like and enjoy and be happy about it.

4. Commitment
After doing all the steps, the last one is commitment. Why commit? commitment gives security and assurance of where this relationship is leading, instead of just playing with fire. commitment makes all the effort you put in a relationship to be ‘worth it’.

I understand that we should not be ‘picky’, but I guess, we can afford to be ‘choosy’. Choosing a partner is choosing someone that you will spend the rest of your life with. (read Jaeson Ma’s blog if you want to know what to choose from a guy: The 5 Pillars of Manhood: how men should love and respect women)

And you know what? Relationship is not a bed of roses. It needs a lot of compromising, a lot of learning, a lot of trying to tolerate each other – not to kill each other, but to love each other.

I like this quote from the video. I guess, it’s true in some sense… but yah, who wants to start a relationship when they know that it can’t work out?

“what do you think will happen if we don’t end up together? will we hate each other? do you think we’ll keep in touch?”

“I think… that, if life separates us, and we are in totally different places. I will always remember when our paths align for this period of time. and I’ll be thankful for that. and I hope that wherever you are, you’ll be thankful too. and I think that’s the best we could wish for.”

Ps. I hope we will never be strangers.

I Believe.

An emo day for me today. why? confounding factors. specifics? hmm. hard to say :)

I’ve listened to this song (I believe – my sassy girl ost) for the 50th time now. I love it soooo much. I never google up the translation lyric until yesterday, and I just found out that the lyrics are so deep in meaning as well.


waiting for what?

I don’t know. something?

No. Someone.


Somehow I believe in the power of a letter – or words. writing down something always calms me down, maybe that’s why I have a blog.

a letter

I believe
Sung by Shin Seung Hun

I believe geudae gyeote eob jiman
I daero i byeoreun ani gejyo
I believe na e ge u neun gireun
Jo geum meori dora or bbuni gejyo

Modu ri nagan geu gi eog sogeseo
Naega nareur a peuge ha myeo nun mureur mandeurjyo

Naman keum eurji anh gireur geudae maneun
Nunmur eobsi nar pyeonhage bonaeju gireur
Eonjenga dasi dora or geudae raneun
Georari e nan migo i gi e

Gida reor ggeyonan geudae yeoyaman hajyo

I believe naega apa hargga bwa
Geudae neun eurjido mohae gejyo
I believe neureu neun naenun meuri
Geudaer dasi naege doryeo jugejyo

Jaggo meomju neun nae nungir sogeso geu dae
Mo seub deuri ddeo eura nun meureur mandeur jyo

Naman keum eurji anh gireur geudae maneun
Nunmur eobsi nar pyeonhage ddeo na jugireur
Eonjenga dasi dora or geudae raneun
Georari e nan migo i gi e

Gida reor ggeyonan geudae yeoyaman hajyo

Nan geudae argi jeon i sesangdo
I reohge nun bu syeo neunji
Geu haneur arae seo ijen nunmuro nam gyeo jyeojiman
I jareor nan jikir ggeyo

Geudaeran iyu maneuro na e geneun
Gida reom jocha chumbunhi haengbog hagejyo
Saranghan iyu maneuro
Ddo haruga jinagago o neungir ijeodo

Gida reor ggeyo nan geudae yeoyaman hajyu

Nan geudae yeoyaman hajyu

I Believe (English translation)

I believe..
though you”re not here by my side
this is not the end, is it?
I believe..
the road you choose to come back
is just a bit detoured, isn”t it?
living in my memories, I hurt myself
crying out my tears

*hope you don”t cry as much as I do
hope you can leave me without tears
I know that you”ll come back (to me) someday
because I believe (you”ll come back)
I”ll wait for you, it has to be you*

I believe..
you couldn”t cry
coz u worried about my pain
I believe..
my tears will bring you back to me
I can”t erase you from my eyes
which makes me cry


Before I know you
the world was not as beautiful as now
now under the same sky
I”m alone with tears
but I”ll stay here
Just because of you
even with my hopeless waiting
I”ll be happy enough
Just to think about love
I forget another day is coming and going
I”ll wait for you, it has to be you
It has to be you

#such an emo day :).

feet condition updated: it might not be cellulitis

Okay here it goes, after going to GP yesterday, she said that the swelling might be due to allergic reaction. Well, I’m not convinced, neither does my sister. As long as I live, I never have any allergic conditions, and I didn’t do anything weird for the past few days, so yah. weird. Anyway, she prescribed an anti-allergic medicine and my sister got me a pain-killer medicine as well (because yes, it HURTS). so yah…

So anyway, good news first: I DON’T FEEL ANY PAIN. well, i dont know if it’s good or bad, but at least I can walk without any difficulty (even though it doesn’t necessary mean that the disease has gone away..).The swelling has been reduced (well, they are still swollen but they are not as bad as before). so yah, overall, i think, a good progress.

Not so good news: they are still red, and somehow the ‘intensity’ of the red increases. the colour somehow changes from pink-red, to red, to dark-red – kind of brown-red bruise colour, if you can imagine what colour is that. hmmm. it is suggested that I have eryhema nodosum (i dont know what that is, go google). somehow I feel like my life revolved around medicine these past few days (with sister as a medical student and friend as a doctor). and now suddenly, i got diagnosed with pitting edema.

scared now.

hope they will be better soon, really want to goo out tomorrow, the day after tomorrow, and dayssss after tomorrow. hahah.

quite an emo day today – compounding factors, even though the weather is so nice.

First day diagnosis - cellulitis

Second day diagnosis: might not be cellulitis.


I can feel my body temperature dropping. Of course, as a psychology student, you have already learnt that. How the circadian clock of your body regulates your body temperature and an alarm goes into your brain, screaming “sleep!!! Sleep!!! Sleeeeppppp!!!”

It’s not an insomnia, oh no. Im not having any sleep problem in any way. I wake up in the middle of the night wanting to go to toilet, and finding myself wanted to cry due to the pain from both my feet.

I got cellulitis. On both feet. They were badly swollen. Oh, dont be so dramatic, Marcella, its not as bad as it sounds. My sister diagnosed me with that disease a couple of hours ago. My feet were tender, and extremely painful when you try to walk, or even lower your feet to a certain level. I tried walking earlier, the pain was unbelievable. I found myself nearly crying as I bumped into the side of my bed trying to crawl back under my blanket.

Cant sleep, no one’s online, facebook got nothing interesting. Ok – go blogging.

I thought of taking my laptop n doing my assignment but then I realise that i need to walk to the kitchen and grab my faithful Mac. Uh-oh, no, not even an option.

It seems like im complaining so much (which i am) and as a successful psychological student i will diagnose myself as having a disturbed physiological body function, secreting too much *something, i think its hormone, cant remember the name, from my amygdala that causes negative emotion to rise up. Plus, it’s 2am, which means i’m sleep-deprived, and am probed to the condition of being depressed. My lecturer would be happy to know that I still remember these stuffs, although i’ve been sleeping in his lectures for 6 times straight (read the textbook at home instead).

Okay, enough for the depression stuff, time to show some mania.

Maybe my feet got swollen to give me signs? Okay, now you r asking, “signs? What signs?” i hav noooo idea. Maybe because i just watched ‘Serendipity’ thus i become skeptic about all this. But im grateful, Lord, for these two feet… Im sorry i havent taken good care of both of them, please heal them soon and show some miracle…

Apart of swollen feet, life’s been great. I went to a latte art class and it was extremely cool (and impossible to believe how it’s so hard to make a heart shape and a rosetta consistently). I have managed to *almost finish my assignment due Thursday, just need some final editing, and I’ve got an Easter break coming up!:) plus, someone’s been taking good care of me lol. seriously, i need to get better soon, i dont want not to be able to walk on my own birthday! :p

Okay, guess writing stuffs really makes you feel better. I’m a complainer who almost feels like exploding before, feeling happy that i didnt give up and sin. now i feel that my bed has been calling my name and saying goodnight.

Ps. Thanks for the random thought at 2am. Im thinking about you now, and it already makes me a lot better.

Below are the pics of my rosetta and heart shaped coffee. Not too good, but i guess i just need practice!:)



my first heart-shaped ;)



Serendipity (2001)

rating: 3/5

An awkward time to be blogging about this movie, especially when it was published 10 years ago. Someone told me to watch this movie, said that, “Don’t say that you are a movie lover if you haven’t watched this chick flick!” Okay, so I borrowed, and I watched.

The movie plot is quite controversial with my values and beliefs, but apart from the wrong plot, wrong situation, and all the wrongs, it is a very sweet movie indeed.

“I first came in because of the name: Serendipity. It’s one of my favorite words. It’s such a nice sounding word for what it means: a fortunate accident.”

Hmm, a fortunate accident?

Hollywood tells us that when you finally meet your someone, you will know. You will meet your so-called soulmate on an extraordinary occasion, a time when they call it, destiny.

It’s a fairy tale coming true.

But sometimes, I think… we are too busy looking for the right person, without realising that the perfect one is waiting beside us all along.

I love this movie. Despite all the wrongs, I think… this movie is really sweet. The words are really powerful. They are twisted and magical, and yes, sweet ;). Beautiful accent as well. For those of you arts people, you might want to watch this movie. But please, neglect all the wrong values in it ;p.

Here is my favourite quote in the movie. It’s a letter, by the way, an obituary. =)

“Jonathan Trager, prominent television producer for ESPN, died last night from complications of losing his soul mate and his fiancee. He was 35 years old. Soft-spoken and obsessive, Trager never looked the part of a hopeless romantic. But, in the final days of his life, he revealed an unknown side of his psyche. This hidden quasi-Jungian persona surfaced during the Agatha Christie-like pursuit of his long reputed soul mate, a woman whom he only spent a few precious hours with. Sadly, the protracted search ended late Saturday night in complete and utter failure. Yet even in certain defeat, the courageous Trager secretly clung to the belief that life is not merely a series of meaningless accidents or coincidences. Uh-uh. But rather, its a tapestry of events that culminate in an exquisite, sublime plan. Asked about the loss of his dear friend, Dean Kansky, the Pulitzer Prize-winning author and executive editor of the New York Times, described Jonathan as a changed man in the last days of his life. “Things were clearer for him,” Kansky noted. Ultimately Jonathan concluded that if we are to live life in harmony with the universe, we must all possess a powerful faith in what the ancients used to call “fatum”, what we currently refer to as destiny.”

she is my sister. her name is Christina Purnama.

I remember the day when I was 17. I was dressed in my white evening gown and my first sister hosted the party. She was the event organiser, the MC, the worship leader, the one who lead the games, and yes, she was the masterplan of everyhing in my 17th birthday. I asked her to help me make a video for my 17th birthday. I didn’t expect it to be bizarre – just a slideshow of my life. But out of her perfectionist and loving character, she asked her brother in law to make the perfect video for me. Yes, it made me cry.

Christina Purnama, my first sister

My first sister, named Christina Purnama, was born in 1985, going to be 26 years old this year. She got attached last December (sorry to disappoint some of you!), and it was a very beautiful wedding. Yes, she was really, really pretty as well. My first sister has always been the ‘leader’ among us three, and she always takes care of her two little sisters. She is a sanguine and the soul of the party.

7 years apart and people still mistaken us as twins. I don’t know if is it me who looks 7 years older or is it her that looks 7 years younger. Many people have mistaken our voice as well, calling me as “Ricci” (her nickname) on the phone. I guess we are sisters.



Back when I was little, I used to admire her a LOT. It’s not a secret that I always want to be like her –  beautiful, charming, energetic, happy-go-lucky personality, and caring. I remember the endless phonecalls from the guys when she was in high school. She is really, really popular (was the prom queen I believe), involved in many activities such as the student council, youth group, and blah, and is the ‘joker’ in our family. I remember whenever the three of us is back in Indo, the car is suddenly very ‘alive’ – my first sister is always the one who makes conversation and cracks some jokes. She is not childish, but ‘child-like’, she can be serious when she needs to be serious, but other than that, she is really fun to be with.

smiling =)

She has a very good voice, able to organise events, is very detailed, and got a very high confidence in herself. When our family is having our holiday, she is always the one who organises everything. I remember the time when our family went to Hong Kong and she literally is our tour guide. She made the timeline, the bookings, the places to go to, and blah blah blah. I wouldn’t be able to do that. None in our family is able to do that but her. She has that gift.

The one thing that I really admire from her is that she is willing to put others first (well, at least, me ;p). Sometimes it’s just the small things. I remember when we went to Disneyland Hong Kong, she accompanied me to take picture FIRST, then she will take pictures AFTERWARDS. She let me to go for the best spot to take pics. I remember she always asks the family member of what we want to do and then tries to accommodate all our wants into the itinerary first. I remember her always thinking of me and buying stuffs from Singapore (clothes etc), and she even still remembered her sisters when she was in her honeymoon – and bought many gifts for us. She is willing to go the extramile, skip her lab, and accompany me to go around Singapore. I remember when I was having holiday in Singapore, she has always set aside the time for me, even though she is really, really busy and has a packed schedule.

My first sister likes purple, loves vegetables, and has a very good sense of fashion. And have I told you that she is really smart? She is now doing her BioScience phD in NTU, Singapore. Although sometimes she is realllyyyyy scary when she is angry, she is a very lovely person. I’m sooo proud of her, and I love her very much.

face painting!

Sometimes we don’t contact each other that often anymore, but she is still my dear sister, a very fine young lady indeed. I know I’ll be able to rely on her whenever I need her, especially in 5-6 years time when I have my wedding LOL. *kiss

She is my sister. her name is Christina Purnama.