living my life

After watching “So you think you can dance” last Monday and “American Idol” 3 hours ago I guess there are so many potentials in this world. Like everyone is unique and every one is a winner. To stand out in a world like this, I guess, is a very difficult task. Frankly saying, it’s hard to be ‘someone’ these days.

In the show ‘so u think u can dance’, I feel like everyone CAN dance. And they dance very very well. Like it’s amazing (well to me, an amateur in dancing) and personally, I don’t know the word ‘unique’ anymore. The fact strikes me that if you’re not paying a really good attention; everyone is just – the same. That one girl in American idol can sing. Hey, the others can sing well too. I have some difficulties in choosing my favorite singer and even in distinguishing the singers. Oh yes they all have distinct voices, but; how many are there in the real world who have the same characteristics like them? Like in the “Tooth Fairy” movie, when you are 12 and you can play guitar well, there are ten others 11 years old boy who can play guitar really well.

What happened? Or is it just me?

I’m going to start my university year soon and I haven’t made any resolutions on what I want to do in my life (dang,,,). And I’m starting to realize that kicking your butt off isn’t going to be enough. When you’re in the boat, not knowing where to go, you will be just lost in the big big ocean. And I still wonder whether I made the perfect choice by taking arts for my bachelor degree, majoring in psychology, together with media and communication. What I wanna do with these skills? This choice? It’s like I don’t have any idea to do with them; what I want to be, or what kind of person I wanna become… I don’t even know if I’m good in these areas.

I just feel kind of lost. Sure, I want to be someone unique, stand out, do something big, and contribute anything to this world. The life I have, the life that God has given me – I don’t want it to become waste. I’m not hoping to be known like Mariah Carey or Michael Jackson or something but, I just want people to remember my name. Like that song, “Win” by Brian McKnight; I just want my life to be impactful for those surrounds me. Not just another rock in the road that you can toss aside anytime you want. I want to make a difference, but I don’t know how, what, when, and where. I don’t even know why I want to do that. I want to dream big; aiming for the stars, shooting for the moon, yada yada yada. But I’m coming back to the essential question – why do I want to do that? When I think more about it, it is as if I want to become someone I’m not.

I wanna win. I want to win the game of life – my game of life. I want to reach the finish line, extraordinarily, hoping that God will be pleased and say, “Well done, my daughter.” I want to live the life that God wants me to live. I want to know God’s purpose in my life, and live it to my fullest.

But I don’t know how, what, when, and where.

But u know what? I’ll keep living my life anyway =) and I’ll still dream big. Who knows, maybe I’ll land on that star of mine =p


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