living my life

After watching “So you think you can dance” last Monday and “American Idol” 3 hours ago I guess there are so many potentials in this world. Like everyone is unique and every one is a winner. To stand out in a world like this, I guess, is a very difficult task. Frankly saying, it’s hard to be ‘someone’ these days.

In the show ‘so u think u can dance’, I feel like everyone CAN dance. And they dance very very well. Like it’s amazing (well to me, an amateur in dancing) and personally, I don’t know the word ‘unique’ anymore. The fact strikes me that if you’re not paying a really good attention; everyone is just – the same. That one girl in American idol can sing. Hey, the others can sing well too. I have some difficulties in choosing my favorite singer and even in distinguishing the singers. Oh yes they all have distinct voices, but; how many are there in the real world who have the same characteristics like them? Like in the “Tooth Fairy” movie, when you are 12 and you can play guitar well, there are ten others 11 years old boy who can play guitar really well.

What happened? Or is it just me?

I’m going to start my university year soon and I haven’t made any resolutions on what I want to do in my life (dang,,,). And I’m starting to realize that kicking your butt off isn’t going to be enough. When you’re in the boat, not knowing where to go, you will be just lost in the big big ocean. And I still wonder whether I made the perfect choice by taking arts for my bachelor degree, majoring in psychology, together with media and communication. What I wanna do with these skills? This choice? It’s like I don’t have any idea to do with them; what I want to be, or what kind of person I wanna become… I don’t even know if I’m good in these areas.

I just feel kind of lost. Sure, I want to be someone unique, stand out, do something big, and contribute anything to this world. The life I have, the life that God has given me – I don’t want it to become waste. I’m not hoping to be known like Mariah Carey or Michael Jackson or something but, I just want people to remember my name. Like that song, “Win” by Brian McKnight; I just want my life to be impactful for those surrounds me. Not just another rock in the road that you can toss aside anytime you want. I want to make a difference, but I don’t know how, what, when, and where. I don’t even know why I want to do that. I want to dream big; aiming for the stars, shooting for the moon, yada yada yada. But I’m coming back to the essential question – why do I want to do that? When I think more about it, it is as if I want to become someone I’m not.

I wanna win. I want to win the game of life – my game of life. I want to reach the finish line, extraordinarily, hoping that God will be pleased and say, “Well done, my daughter.” I want to live the life that God wants me to live. I want to know God’s purpose in my life, and live it to my fullest.

But I don’t know how, what, when, and where.

But u know what? I’ll keep living my life anyway =) and I’ll still dream big. Who knows, maybe I’ll land on that star of mine =p


IICS Senior High Grad. 09.

Being 17 is one thing, graduating from high school is another.
I just believe that high school never ends.
So here is my graduation speech.
Dedicated to all my schoolmates, I love you all.

Isabel Waxman once said, “It is indeed ironic that we spend our school days yearning to graduate and our remaining days waxing nostalgic about our school days.” We all yearn to finish HSC, to have our holidays, to be free from school… but as you see, the last weeks we’ve spent in this senior high school – isn’t it remembering the memories? Yes, we are graduates. Yet – it seems that we are not ready for it. =)

Throughout senior high, we made friends, and even lost a friend or two. In this process we loved and were loved, needed one another and were needed, felt betrayed and perhaps – also betrayed our friends.  But you see, through all these things – lessons were learnt, and our personality was forged. We learned respect, trust, loyalty and love – and thus, suddenly, we came face to face with ourselves; delve deep into the depths of our heart, armed with the torch of our conscience, staring into the “man in the mirror”.

In the limited given amount of time, I may not be able to express even one-tenth of what I want to say to all of you. But allow me, personally, to thank these people. To the people that have brought their impacts, to me, or even to you as well.

There are those who excelled in the art subject, and these are some of them.

Dear Kazue Kawana and Irene Nathania, you both are unique, cheerful, and have loving hearts. Kazue, I believe you will become a head chef someday later, and maybe you even will own your own three Michelin Stars, the grand award for the bestest restaurants around the world. I admire your independent personality, and this is your asset to reach for the world. Be the best chef ever =). Irene, you are really an artistic person. Your talents are once again, unique. You are indeed creative and I never see that tidiness in making projects and such. Aim for the stars, and I know you can land in that star as well =).

Dear Dominicus Dimitri, a relative that I never know existed until around 2 or 3 months ago. I want to say that even though sometimes you are very hyperactive and over sanguine, but I know you have a good heart, and a hidden potential as well. If you want to be a doctor, pursue it. Be serious about it. I know you can.

For those who excelled in music, Andreas, you are one of them.

Dear Andreas Chan. A guitarist, a pianist, a talented musician, a classmate, and a friend. Thank you for listening to me through all the year, sitting in front of me in class. You are a loyal friend. And thank you for giving me the privilege of trusting me, as well as lending your Nintendo DS in class =p. Even if you want to be the next Maxim, I believe you can. Pursue your dreams. Be a legend in your own field.

Dear Nathania Yuliani. You may struggle being motivated but I know but you are also a genius. Thanks for the friendship for these past years. All those crazy memories and such…  Thank you =)

Dear Sharleen Vania Taner. People often say that you are sometimes mysterious and such, but yet – an adorable gal as well =). You have hidden potential within you. Open it. You are a singer, an actress, a model, a friend, a helper… You can be whatever you want. Love you, twist =)

To those people who never give up, diligent, and I might say – extraordinary.

Dear Ivan Giarto. A great guy. You are smart, critical, have a ‘good’ sense of humor, and you can lighten up the days. A good listener. A great friend. You always smile no matter what, and that is your plus point. Don’t be stressed okay, and be the best of yourself that you can be. I can imagine someday later you will wear a tuxedo and those ‘pantofel’ shoes and be the boss in your own business company! lol

Dear Edbert Wijaya, a guy that I know has many talents within him. You have a great heart; it is strong, open, and loving. You may be sensitive sometimes but still, you are the one who has the most patience as well. I want to thank you personally for the friendship, for listening to my complaints and chats; for the phone calls before exams – how we went through each paper together and prepared for the next day’s test. I know, I won’t succeed without you. Thank you. Be confident in yourself. I know you will be great. Be the person you want to be in this world.

Dear friends – to all the graduates of class ’09, I thank you all for the friendship, for all the memories we have shared. For the time we’ve spent together. I can’t mention all your names one by one, but… I give you my gratitude from the bottom of my heart. I am grateful – and proud, to be in the IICS of class 2009, running side by side with you all towards this finish line.

Let’s take this moment to just see the person sitting next to you. Look around, smile, shake their hands… just say, thank you, for being my friend. Thank you, for the memories.

Thank you.